Monday, January 23, 2012

Week 22 Blog 2A: Writing a Poem about Childhood and Platonic Love

Task: write a “write like” poem using one of the poems we read in class as your model. You can base your poem off of "Piano" or "Those Winter Sundays." Write the rough draft of you poem in your Reader/Writer notebook. Next, type it up, send it to Mr. Sabath via email (peter.sabath@pgcps.org), and then post your poem in the comments section below.

¡ Step 1: Think back to your childhood and jot down a few memories.

¡ Step 2: Select one memory (today’s warm-up), positive or negative, and write a short poem about it using one of the poems from class as your model.  Your poem should have one example of each of the five senses in it.  It should be 1-3 stanzas long. (See rubric on next slide for details.)


Grading Rubric: Poetry Using Sensory Detail


1.     Poem deals with a childhood memory  __ /10
2.     Poem is a “write like” using either Piano (rhymed verse) or Those Winter Sundays (free verse) as a model __ /10
3.     Poem integrates the five senses (sight, touch, smell, taste, hearing) __ /10
4.     Poem is written in stanzas (1-3 stanzas in length) __ /10
5.     Poem is told in first person __ /10


Total Score: ___ /50


 Poem about my childhood (This is what you'll need to post in the comment's section below!)

“Write-Like” Model Poem: Piano, by D.H. Lawrence

Example:

Down Hill
by Mr. Peter Sabath

Gracefully, in the falling snow, a skier is weaving down the slope;
Taking me back down, not up, the ski-lift of years, of forgotten hope
Till I see a lost child at the bottom of a great mountain, in the flakes of
     more falling snow
And looking for the outline of his mother coming down
     but she’s out of site, nowhere to be found.

In spite of myself, this insidious mastery of downward speed
Yanks me back, though the heart of me tries not to take the lead
To this old mountain slope in Pennsylvania, with ground blanketed by winter
And a little boy without his mother, his little soul
       leaving his body’s center

So now it is pointless for the skiers to bend and push
As their skis carve deep into the snow, scratching the buried bush
In the panic of the distant moment, I thought she had melted away
My blood and bones, nerves frozen in ice,
       on this down-hill Olympic day.


Poems from class:



PIANO

By D.H. Lawrence

Softly, in the dusk, a woman is singing to me;
Taking me back down the vista of years, till I see
A child sitting under the piano, in the boom of the tingling strings
And pressing the small, poised feet of a mother who smiles as she sings.



In spite of myself, the insidious mastery of song
Betrays me back, till the heart of me weeps to belong
To the old Sunday evenings at home, with winter outside
And hymns in the cosy parlour, the tinkling piano our guide.

So now it is vain for the singer to burst into clamour
With the great black piano appassionato. The glamour
Of childish days is upon me, my manhood is cast
Down in the flood of remembrance, I weep like a child for the past.


Those Winter Sundays

by Robert Hayden

Sundays too my father got up early
and put his clothes on in the blueblack cold,
then with cracked hands that ached
from labor in the weekday weather made
banked fires blaze. No one ever thanked him.

I’d wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking.
When the rooms were warm, he’d call,
and slowly I would rise and dress,
fearing the chronic angers of that house,

Speaking indifferently to him,
who had driven out the cold
and polished my good shoes as well.
What did I know, what did I know
of love’s austere and lonely offices?



18 comments:

  1. Desiree Wheeler 2a
    weekends my mom got up early
    and put her outfit on in the dark,
    her feet swallon and feet ached
    from being on her feet all day
    taking care of others.she never
    had a break.

    my sister and i woken by the sounds
    of the car and the smell of exhaust
    and slowly we get dressed
    fearing the emptyness and
    lonlyness of the house,

    we barly spoke to our mother
    we rarly saw her she worked
    all hours, everytime she came home
    she greeted us with lots of toys
    each time toys toys but no hugs,

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Desiree - Nice! I love the imagery of toys instead of hugs, though this is sad.

      50/50

      Delete
  2. Ryan Palmer
    2A
    1/28/12
    Calmly, in the dark and cold basement of our house, this woman cries, she cries for yhe survival of her childern. Sniffing, coughing, pouting, wanting to know if ery'thing is gonna be alright,askin' questions, are we gonna make it past this point in life?

    i then go to the master of the house, the braves knight, strong and mighty, and whisper to him, Master! Master! this woman! this woman! she cries,, Oh, she cries, for her chidrens survival, the master softly whispers in my ear, " patience is the key my son patience!",

    i went back to this weeping woman, not knowing what to say, i came up close to her ear and told her what the master told me, i whispered in her ear patience woman patience! She then grabs me witha firm grip and looks down at me and gives me a hugg as if she cared,,she had given me a hugg like no other woman has,this woman who was crying was my mother.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Darius Odom 2A Every night and every morning I wake up and pray that one day I will be able to spend a day with my mom some way. My mom works 7 days a week 365 days out the year and almost 13 hours every day.I could smell the chimney burn and see the fire rise as I was home alone.Then I felt the heat worming up the house. When my mom walks in the door she begins to cook a meal. The meal she cooks is for dinner and breakfast. My mom meals tasted so good as if she could have been a chief.Which was the career she wanted until she had me. Why should you work so hard and don't even get a break when other mothers get a break and doesn't work harder than you. The question I asked my mother. She says all of it will pay off once you become successful and take care of me when you become a man.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sweet poem, Darius. Try to rewrite this in three stanzas for your final project. Good effort!

      45/50

      Delete
  4. Tania McCray 2-A


    The smell of pancakes,bacon and eggs
    Awakens me out of my good sleep,
    I see the sun shining brightly through my window
    On a beautiful sunday Morning.

    I hop up out of bed and I
    walk downstairs to hear
    My mom singing gospel music
    While she finishes cooking breakfast

    I turn on cartoons and eat with
    A big smile upon my face, after, i give
    my mother a hug and thank her as i think
    to myself how much i appreciate her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tania,

      Nice poem. How else could you say you appreciate her without saying this literally? Can you think of a simile/metaphor? Great use of the five senses!

      Delete
  5. Quentin Moss 2-a

    wakeing up to the smell of bacon an eggs half sleep still not wanting to get out of bed i can hear my moma scraping and scratching pans together while shes cooking then i walk to the counter while my brother there lookin

    then i go to the kitchen and grab a cup and a plate fill my cup with juice and drink feelin that refreshing taste then i grab some bacon to stuff my face then i ask my moma what else she gonna make

    she tells me to come help her cook then i say how when i dont know what to do an she says just look crack your eggs in the pan put the toast in the oven till is about tan after she demonstrates she gives me the food and says your turn how to cook is what my moma taught me thats what i learned

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice, Quentin. How might you integrate a metaphor or simile into this poem?

      50/50

      Delete
  6. Aliah Pinckney 2A

    The sound of the water
    hitting against the boat,
    The sun was shining as if I
    was blinded by something,
    Being around family is all I thought
    about,but coming together is what we do best
    showing compation is whats in all of us,
    but nobody can change us

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice start! Do you think you can get three stanzas out of it?

      50/50

      Delete
  7. Emonni Teshome 2A
    "White Mountains"

    From the top of the steps
    A woman yells in awareness
    My mother tells me its snowing out
    a cold white blanket covers my yard

    I grab my favorite coat
    big and fluffy
    first time out the closet this winter
    Excited and ready to go play
    Quickly get dress, to slide down what to me
    Seemed like large snow mountains
    Playing in the snow with a smile on my face

    ReplyDelete
  8. diamond harris 2A

    as i look out into the horizon
    i see nothing but darkness
    cold air brushes against my skin
    theres no sound
    no light
    the darkness surprisingly has become my peaceful haven

    my ears began to open
    i hear chatter, giggles, and screams
    then all is quiet again
    BOOM! the sound of a fire work going off
    i smile as i eat a piece of fried chicken
    and scream
    its the fourth of july

    ReplyDelete