Task: write a “write like” poem using one of the poems we read in class as your model. You can base your poem off of "Piano" or "Those Winter Sundays." Write the rough draft of you poem in your Reader/Writer notebook. Next, type it up, send it to Mr. Sabath via email (peter.sabath@pgcps.org), and then post your poem in the comments section below.
¡ Step 1: Think back to your childhood and jot down a few memories.
¡ Step 2: Select one memory (today’s warm-up), positive or negative, and write a short poem about it using one of the poems from class as your model. Your poem should have one example of each of the five senses in it. It should be 1-3 stanzas long. (See rubric on next slide for details.)
Grading Rubric: Poetry Using Sensory Detail
1. Poem deals with a childhood memory __ /10
2. Poem is a “write like” using either Piano (rhymed verse) or Those Winter Sundays (free verse) as a model __ /10
3. Poem integrates the five senses (sight, touch, smell, taste, hearing) __ /10
4. Poem is written in stanzas (1-3 stanzas in length) __ /10
5. Poem is told in first person __ /10
Total Score: ___ /50
“Write-Like” Model Poem: Piano, by D.H. Lawrence
Example:
Down Hill
by Mr. Peter Sabath
Gracefully, in the falling snow, a skier is weaving down the slope;
Taking me back down, not up, the ski-lift of years, of forgotten hope
Till I see a lost child at the bottom of a great mountain, in the flakes of
more falling snow
And looking for the outline of his mother coming down
but she’s out of site, nowhere to be found.
In spite of myself, this insidious mastery of downward speed
Yanks me back, though the heart of me tries not to take the lead
To this old mountain slope in Pennsylvania, with ground blanketed by winter
And a little boy without his mother, his little soul
leaving his body’s center
So now it is pointless for the skiers to bend and push
As their skis carve deep into the snow, scratching the buried bush
In the panic of the distant moment, I thought she had melted away
My blood and bones, nerves frozen in ice,
on this down-hill Olympic day.
Poems from class:
PIANO
By D.H. Lawrence
Softly, in the dusk, a woman is singing to me;
Taking me back down the vista of years, till I see
A child sitting under the piano, in the boom of the tingling strings
And pressing the small, poised feet of a mother who smiles as she sings.
Taking me back down the vista of years, till I see
A child sitting under the piano, in the boom of the tingling strings
And pressing the small, poised feet of a mother who smiles as she sings.
In spite of myself, the insidious mastery of song
Betrays me back, till the heart of me weeps to belong
To the old Sunday evenings at home, with winter outside
And hymns in the cosy parlour, the tinkling piano our guide.
So now it is vain for the singer to burst into clamour
With the great black piano appassionato. The glamour
Of childish days is upon me, my manhood is cast
Down in the flood of remembrance, I weep like a child for the past.
Those Winter Sundays
by Robert Hayden
Looking into your eyes,time flies.
ReplyDeleteThe scene is changing but I stand there oblivious to it all.
Your secrets draw me close and deeper into you.
The scene of the world is changing around me, yet everything is so still and unchanging.
Same big headed kid who is constantly lost in his own reflections.
The mirror is getting foggy.
When I wipe it I don't see just me, I see the part of her that lives within me.
I get so lost in my eyes because they are her eyes too.
I get so lost in my memories.
Oh so lost.
William(Be Easy)Martin Period2B
ReplyDelete"AREAS"! Was all I needed to hear.
I turned off the cartoons and was prepared to clean.
With my feeble hands and small disposition
I looked around at all that needed to be done.
This wasn't my favorite hobby.
I'd grab a handfull of meshed and crumpled newspaper.
Feet collecting dirt between their toes as I worked.
Easy, I would plug up the vacuum and clean.
The dessicated smell of dust filled my nostrills
While the scent of Pinesaw made things worst.
Soon the stacks would flatten and the dirt would disperse
the glass would stare at me and the halls would lead me.
I'd fill my mouth with a warm spoonful of soup
How would I know, How would I know?
that i'd enjoy it in my area.
I hear a harsh whisper behind me "Get In Your Lines!"
ReplyDeleteI stand there as the music plays awaiting my cue
Trying to make sure the audience cant see my face just yet,
A slighty peek to see just how many people have showed up.
Quickly, my head pulls back. Every seat is filled.
Babies,parents, grandparents, siblings all sitting therewaiting to see the show.
Suddenly, my mind goes blank and I cant remember a single step of what Im supposed to do.
I look down at the sequence glitter in my costume searching for the moves.
As fast as that, my cue comes and we rush out the curtains
My body serves me well when my memory doesnt and every step is carried out to the fullest extent.
After several minutes of what feels like only 5 seconds,we run off the stage.
The smell of cheap lipstick and sweat as it soaks into the fabric of the costume,
The feeling of cramping,ached feet as we run back stage
Time for Act 2.
D'Amonte White 2B
ReplyDeleteAs I wait I feel this feeling, at my stomach it feels like someone is constantly drilling.
That wild grumbling I could hear, what I felt was so severe.
Wait! What's that? I smell something oh so meaty. Whoever's cooking that please don't tease me.
That smell I remember that, oh so on point, it takes me back.
Wow! that's amazing. It's so exact. how could it be? That's my mother's meatloaf I see.
But wait, it can't be. The last time she made that I had to be about five, now I'm fifteen. Am i dreaming, am I even alive? I must be it's all too real.
That's me mother's meatloaf in that oven cooking on taht stainess steel.
For years I've missed it and now it's back. My favorite food as a kid.
How terribly exciting is that?
I looked around the corner to see who it could be. The one who made me have this flashback so that I could see. I looked once and saw my mother, then i blinked, and she was still here. Then I blinked again and she wasn't there.
What is going on? Then I heard someone screaming, it was my mother yelling at saying wake up sweety you're were dreaming.
Marcus Moss 2b
ReplyDeleteBeing in school the last few days of the year I used to hate it.
Excited and anxious was me as I waited in class.
All I would hear is the clock ticking which seemed a moment that always would forever last.
I would make my way home and hoping for that day.
The one when I hear my mom tell me we are bout to be on our way.
To the beach where the ocean, girls, and malls I could se.e
The breeze I could feel the sea salt I could taste.
Lets not forget the smell of hot and buttery king crab.
Now these are the days, hours, seconds, and minutes that would not forever last.
I live it up like I wont ever come back.
As the week at the beach comes to a close all I think about is next year having this same feeling I love most.
Rashad Richardson 2B
ReplyDeleteAs my mother’s oven-baked goods cool off
The sweet scent of cookies and other treats quickly intrudes my home
They have Christmas-like coatings with red, white, and green decorations
As soon as they are safe to touch, I take a few
Anxious about the morning ahead, I do not finish them all.
Eagerly awaiting what’s in store for me in the next several hours
I rush to my bed, hoping to fall asleep fast
My anticipation of the next morning disables me from falling right to sleep
I try forcing myself into a slumber by counting backwards
After reaching thirty all the way from one hundred
I find myself drifting off into a peaceful slumber.
Only six hours later, I find myself opening my eyes once again
I turn towards my window, where I see snow on the ground and little sunlight
The excitement of this morning returns to me
I hastily rush out of my bed and into my mother’s room
I then lead her to our living room where I encounter a beautiful tree surrounded by presents.
Me as a little girl on the playground
ReplyDeletejumping rope with friends
Then that one tragic fall
That's were everything ends.
The sounds of my cry's
The sight of blood dripping down my palm
The touch of glass in my hand
The smell of the nurse's office
and the thought that your not there.
Feels like i'm waiting for my death sentence
Patiently, patiently waiting
Finally it's my turn sitting in that room all I see is white!
They poked and proted at my hand three times
at the end of the day my poem stil don't rhyme.
Juwan Whitaker 2B
ReplyDeleteI was the young age of three,
and oh, so very small.
I knew almost nothing,
nothing at all.
When I saw a cute little girl,
shaking with fear.
All along in the corner
with her eyes full of tears.
I thought to myself,
I'll go be her friend.
So I went over to her
and touched her sweet little hand.
I said to my new friend,
"Do you want to play?"
My new friend said, "yes,"
and her tears went away.
It's been fifteen years now
and our friendship's still strong
I can hardly believe
we been best friends this long.
As I went to her that day
I was the angel to be.
How could I have known
that God sent her to me?
But, angels need two wings
if they don't want to sit and just rest,
So, God combined both our wings
to show us were blessed.
We can't thank him enough
for his gift of kindness and love
We are both each others angels
sent from heaven above!
Earl Childress 2B
ReplyDeleteMe as a young boy playing football
running fast jumping high
no one could knock me down this time,
as i catch the ball and turn to run
i never stop.
Getting hurt it never crossed my mind
spraining an ankle? Nah it could never happen to me
just one fall is where everything turns
turns for the worst.
Falling down on a stick
i twist my ankle, and i
couldn't seem to shake the pain
fear grew in my heart...
As my friends gathered around worried whats wrong
a tear rolled down my face, that didn't take long
at the young age of 8 i never knew the pain would fade
but as it eased up i was able to limp home with.
That one friend helping up the long street
has been there forever
there through thick and then are
real friends unlike pain
they wont fade.
Alexia Strickland 2B
ReplyDeleteAll Alone :
Life Full Of Pain
Eyes Full Of Tears
Memories Are Vein
Why Arent you here?
You once said i was daddy's little girl
promised to love me and give me the world
The Stars, The Moons , The Sun if you could
You Showed me all the love that a girl's father should
we would share ice cream , laughs, hugs and secrets
promised to be here for ever and swore you'd keep it
then came that day
where our home was nomore
i sat there and cried
as you stormed out the door
leaving me, mommy, the family you created
you didnt care about my feelings
and that i hated
Then came the cards, the letters, emails and gift boxes
tryna make up for the pain
man have you lost it?
nothing will change
cuz you send a few gifts you think its all right?
you dont know how it feels to grow up without you in my life
no one to protect me from the boys that do me wrong
no one to spoil me and help me when im out on my own
no one to call "daddy" and be there through it all
i thought i was important
but now i see i wasnt much at all
this is not something out of hate
i just know that i want to learn from your mistakes
never walk out on the ones you love
never leave your home
because when you need them, you'll be all Alone
Tatiana Salazar 2B,
ReplyDelete"Texas Nights" by Tatiana Salazar
As I feel the refreshing breeze blow my hair
Nostalgic memories awake inside me
The cool grass brings me home to the sweet memories
The smell of fresh air reminds me I'm here again
Remembering the Texas nights I loved so much
The taste of my grandmothers cooking leaves me longing to stay
The sky looks so beautiful
So never ending
Its beautiful here unlike any other sky
The joy knowing I will be back leaves me smiling
I know home will always be there
FOREVER
Kenya Lorick 2b
ReplyDeleteAs I'm walking I hear a similar sound, It squeaks and shrieks
And I cover my ears as the piercing sound starts to take effect,
I then hear those familiar voices, and when I see those smiling faces,
Those beady eyes, and the wonderful laughter, I'm brought back
Brought back to when my parents would bring me to the park to play,
Brought back to the lovely squeaky shrieking swings I'd ride,
Brought back to watching my mom and dad smile as they look at me,
Brought back to siting on the blanket and drinking that sour lemonade,
Brought back to the smell of freshly cut wood and garden soil,
Brought back to the splinters I'd get from rubbing the rough park benches,
And brought back to crying when I was told we were about to leave
Then again I'm brought back to those squeaks and those shrieks,
But the sound is once again piercing, and my ears are once again ringing,
I'm brought back to my reality of me walking, Just me, Walking.
Charles Owens 2B
ReplyDelete"iBall"
I would take bike out the house
As I'm riding down the hills I can smell the fresh air
I can hear the birds chirping, and my neighbors talking
As I arrive court I take out and sip my Gatorade
I remember seeing the kids playing with my wife Spalding
I remember joining in and hogging the ball
The greatest feeling to me was holding a basketball
That will never change
Through all the pain I'll always love the game =)
Kiera Jones 2B
ReplyDeleteIt was a summer day as I remember
The sun was beaming down on my skin, along with the feeling of the sticky air
Made it feel like the hottest day that year
But the sounds of the palm trees chiming in the air
With the coolness from the breeze and relaxing in the ocean
Made it all worth while
The smell and taste of the fresh air there
With seeing everybody else have fun was refreshing
This quality time spent together with family was a blessing
Fatima Ahmed 2B
ReplyDeleteOcean nights...
Loudly, up above, seagulls crow in the air
I can smell the popcorn, fell saltwater in my hair
As I look upon the horizon and the sun sets on the day
I soon realize, "all I've done is eat candy, oh how I've wasted this perfect day!"
"I Wonder"
ReplyDeleteAs soon as I take a step, I hear people calling me.
I couldn't help but smile as I run on the field.
Then slowly a ball comes up to me.
I looked around wondering where it had come from.
As I run on the field with the ball running next to me,
I could smell the fresh cut grass below my feet.
I look up and see an open field with nobody around.
A voice was telling me to kick the ball.
I looked around wondering where it had come from.
As soon as I kick the ball that was running with me,
I looked at it fly pass the goalie into the net.
There was people screaming and calling my name.
When I took a sip of water, I slowly open my eyes.
I see a room full of people looking at me.
I was laying on the floor with an ice pack on my head.
I stood up and walked out of the room,
When slowly a ball comes up to me.
I looked around wondering where it had come from.
'No School'
ReplyDeleteListening to the bathroom radio
as the sun rise on the early school day,
my father would be getting ready to go get paid,
drinking my mothers ice cold minute maid,
hoping and wishing the news would say there was no school today.
Looking out the window at the snow,
i was just hoping that the inches would magically grow,suprisingly hearing my mother say i didnt have to go.
Holding on to my dads legs as he walked to the door,
I smell his calonge as he hugs me to leave.
Now that mom and I are alone,
she cooks me a big breakfast since we were staying home,
as I eat the food I think about how I start that
week off with no school.
Clifton White2b
Janie Pratt 2B ' entitled "You"
ReplyDeleteYoung heart, brave soul
See im not J.Cole but all I wanted was you
But I knew I had already lost you
No one to tell me I was pretty
No one to tell me boys had coodies
Or to even teach me how to be a lady
Thought about forgiving you
And I know I should
But I also know I wont
Everynight I prayed
In hopes that the tears I shouldve cried
Came alive in your eyes
And it would kill you inside
I dried my eyes
Then reality hit
And it all became clear
It became clear that the gravel beneath your feet
Also known as the streets
Had me beat
All I needed was some heroing
A little saving
To mend my little heart
But you were busy pleasuring the need for the HERO in (heroin) in yourself
So now I am what I am
And you aint goin' always understand it
But remember its all because of YOU.
Terrell Kornegay, 2B
ReplyDeleteAs a small boy, I looked up at the stars.
I wanted to know what was next, how the future would treat me.
I trusted the stars as the guides of my life.
I expected the stars to be my mother, my father, my sisters, my brothers.
But I grew up hearing fights and arguments.
I grew up feeling like I had more losses than gains.
I grew up with the taste of blood in my mouth everyday.
This violence is the mother that gave birth to my inner demon.
The stars betrayed me.
They never did what they were supposed to.
They never guided me.
I believed in them and in return, they paid me with disappointment and tossed in angst.
(Poem was edited to be 3 stanzas)
"When Girls First Kiss" by Anja Perry 2b
ReplyDeleteIt was something new to me
Like the sight of snow in june
Like rain on a sunny day with no clouds
Dancing to a new tune
She was something unexpected by far
Like something only God tells
Like the worlds end.
But her lips were like honey glazed rose petals.
I knew it wasnt right
But it lit a flame in me.
Like I was burning for more.
Yet it put shame in me
What would Martha say?
She wouldnt approve.
But on this day I discovered
I had love for those like you.
That female want for a females want
That I wanna find the right one without having to hunt
That I wanna love you and you love me back
So that way i know there is nothing we lack.
I enjoyed our time together
My first kiss belongs to you
There was never noone better
No one to kiss me Like You.
You Left Me Doubting Myself By Nekia Williams
ReplyDeleteThe feeling of doubt,
like you will never succeed
The feeling of desperation,
its not "want" but a "need"
The cry for help,
screaming out for a friend,
The cry because of sadness,
the tear drops aren't pretend
The need for a mom,
another daughter gone astray,
The need for a father,
another daughter finding "love" in any way
The memories of neglect,
sisters with only each other
The memories of abuse,
only each bruise makes me tougher
The need for life,
give me a reason to live
Im waiting to recieve,
even thought its love that I give.
Alexus Unique` Parker 2Bday
ReplyDelete"Forever My Lady"
I don't know why you called me Lady,
I was a pudgy kid, stuck-up.
I missed you a lot.
Sometimes you weren't around,
Work took you away.
But I knew that you wanted to be there.
Now I send you pictures of me smiling,
At your request,
You want to make sure I'm having a good day.
But Daddy, just so you know,
When you get on the phone, and say those two words,
Or even just a text,
"HEYYYYYYYYYYYY LADY!",
Always makes me smile...Makes my day.
I don't know why you call me Lady...
my childhood was the time when i was innocent
ReplyDeletewhen the world seemed to be fair
when my universe was around my toys
my childhood was the time when i lived in dreams
when everyone was selfless
when everyone appeared to be a friend
my childhood was the time when my life was full of colours
when sorrows never knocked my door
when smile was gift presented to everyone
my childhood was the time when love was pure
when there were no obligations
when tenderness prevailed
my childhood was the time which is long gone
tears flow from my eyes when i go back in my childhood
my childhood will never come back but
the child in me will never go
Wow! What an array of childhood memories expressed in poetry. I'm amazed by how well you all write! When you are done your poetry project (your five poems) I'll have to get more of you to read these out for the class. These will represent the first poems in your projects.
ReplyDeleteExcellent use of figurative language and sensory details. Bravo, class! Thanks for the effort. Everyone got 50/50 for the rough draft of this first poem. You can see this in the gradebook.
Over and out,
Mr. Sabath